Thriller Live Show - Portsmouth

At that busy social time between Christmas and New Year I went to see Thiller Live with mum and the sister as a mini family outing.

The performance we were seeing was at the Guildhall in Portsmouth. A venue that I haven't been to for a few years, I had forgotten how nice the place was. It is a small theatre, which means you have a good seat pretty much anywhere. That being said we where on the front upper row, so it was nice to not have someone sat in front of us.

The performance was good, I really enjoyed seeing the dances and hearing the music of the amazing Michael Jackson. I have seen this show once before, a few years ago. I have to say while I enjoyed seeing the show again, the first time was much better. That time there was a younger performer for the songs when Michael was a child, and a teenaged afro and flair wearing Jackson 5. This really added something to the performance and experience that I felt was missing this time.

That being said we had an enjoyable time, and had I not seen the show previously I would have enjoyed this show even more. Still gets a recommendation from me. 

Mental Health Posts Moved

Happy New Year All,

If you are a returning reader and looking for some of my recent posts (within the last 5 months or so) you may have realised they are not here anymore. Due to the content and the future things I would like to post on this blog I have now moved those posts.

They are now viewable at Mike's Open Journal 

Thanks

Running for MIND - Great South Run

For a little while now I've been saying I'm going to write a blog post about why I'm running for MIND in this years Great South Run. It has definitely taken longer than I planned to just sit down and write. 

While there has been quite a few things going on, applications, interviews, odd jobs, I have in truth, properly put off writing this for other reasons. My feelings, emotions and experience are the reasons I am running for MIND, they are also the reasons I haven't spoken about my chosen charity as much this year. 

In previous years I've posted and asked for donations, when running for the amazing NSPCC. This year has been different.

I have deliberated on how much to expose myself and my experience. This has been a very difficult decision. In considering this I have realised the difference reading certain posts and hearing certain comments has made to me, and how powerful that message or story can be, even if it is to just one person. Additionally I believe I have changed in a positive way because of the support I've received and found. But I recognise that there were times when that could have been different. It is with that in mind that I write this...

My experience, or story, is just that. It is mine. I am not about to pretend to know or assume how other people deal with things, react or come to terms with certain events. We all experience different events during our life's, and are affected differently by them. I know people who have been through worse than me, but in the moment that doesn't help, it doesn't make a difference. At least it didn't for me.

In late January to early February 2007 I started a relationship with someone that became very special to me. We shared amazing times and memories over six years. We then celebrated our love with family and friends as we became husband and wife in 2013 and continued for two more years in happily wedded bliss. Until January - February 2015 when the relationship suddenly ended. 

Louise (I've changed all the names) decided she was not happy anymore and ended the relationship. For me this was a horrific surprise and something I could never have prepare for. Both now and at the time I respect the difficult decision Louise made and the courage it took to say, I'm not happy, this isn't what I want. 

That being said, my closest friend, my love, my wife, telling me this rocked me to my core. In that moment I suppose you make an unconscious decision. Mine was to cover these emotions. To hide the horror, the shock, the hurt, the pain, the questions, the doubt and the shame.

At this time I travelled approximately one hour twenty minutes to work. I knew the route well and there was a steady flow of traffic through the country roads, so it's a long time to sit and think.

I became short with friends and colleagues when questions or conversations about personal life came up. But I managed to remain positive and professional at work (I think). I even managed to fake this 'professional' me in my personal life. This I believe is the outcome of that first unconscious decision. I had times where I lost myself in the fake facade I had created. This meant I also had moments where my emotions would suddenly rush out. 

The first time this happened I was at work, I just managed to make it to the toilets before breaking down. After I don't know how long, it was a while, I managed to sort my self out and started to walk back to the office. On the less than a minute walk I knew I was about to go again. It was all I could do to ask my boss for a quick chat. I'm not sure what I was thinking, I guess that in that moment I knew I wasn't going to be able to work as normal and in an attempt to keep it professional wanted to inform her that I wasn't going to be up to much today. Well, that 'professional' me lasted about ten seconds. I told Kim everything. She was the first person I had spoken to about the relationship ending, and would be the only person I'd talk to about this for some time.

This is where the long drive into work became a bigger issue. I started to have repeated thoughts of self harm and even considered my willingness to continue with life. At this time, I felt like I had lost everything, I had failed as a husband and lost the person that mattered most to me. My inability to be honest with myself prevented me from seeing what was happening. Any questions from the few family or friends who knew about the break up where met with neutral reassuring responses. This was a difficult period, suddenly having a lot of alone time and also not wanting to talk to people. Looking back I think two things really helped to start to shift my attitude from that dangerous downward spiral. 

The first was the support and friendship from Kim and my two closest colleagues. They knew something was wrong but never pushed me to talk about it, never complained when their questions about last night or the weekend where met with short dismissive answers. Whatever happens in the future these three people will always be in my heart for the support they gave me at this time. They were there at a time when I was not ready to talk to old friends, people who had known me for a long time and known myself and Louise as a couple.

The second was online resources and material promoted (and provided) by MIND and similar charities. While I could never build my confidence to engage with someone / anyone at the charities and ask for help. Reading and listening to other people's stories started to help me come to accept my thoughts and feelings and recognise the negative thoughts as...well, just that. They where thoughts and understandably so. BUT this was not what I wanted. 

From this point I was able to make small gradual changes. Although some were bigger and more risky. 

I left my permanent post, and those amazing colleagues, to accept a job closer to home. So I was able to cut out that long drive, where I was often having negative thoughts. The new job was another focus and there was a lot of change happening at my new institution to keep up with. I made an effort to socialise more and meet new people. I still keep in regular contact with my former colleagues, even lining up the occasional man date with one of the guys. As for Kim, well she has become my best friend. She is the person I go to first for advice, she has seen, and known, me at my lowest, and still accepted me. 

You never know what is going to happen in the future. But I will always remember the time these guys where my saviours and supported me through the most difficult moments in my life so far.  

Taking the new job did come with its own risks, I gave up an awesome permanent job to accept a short term fixed contract. Mentally this comes with its own challenges, of feeling like you have nothing permanent in your life. But in the short term, I think, this is what I needed. 

I have changed a lot in this time. I am still me, but I'm also different. The mental, emotional and I suppose psychological scares that I have will be with me forever. But even in this short time, I have come to accept them, acknowledging them and in turn their affect on me lessens. 

I have learnt to trust people again, and now find myself able to talk about my experience. This, is a big change. 

That tells you a little about my experience and how for me MIND was one of two support systems that helped me during a very difficult time. I am someone who has benefited from the advice, support and information they provide. I would like to say a big thank you to everyone involved in MIND and in similar charities that work to support and inform us all on issues related to mental health. 

I mentioned at the start that I am running the Great South Run (this weekend), this will be my 5th time running. Previously I have asked for donations, I'm still keen to get some money coming in, I have a modest target of £50, so every £1 counts! However my main aim is to get people talking about mental health, to engage people in conversations and raise awareness of this hidden health issue. 

Thank you for reading.

If you would like to donate please visit 

https://www.justgiving.com/Mike-Runs-For-Your-Money/

If you would like to find out more about MIND or mental health in general visit

http://www.mind.org.uk/

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx

Turning 30 - Well, not just yet

Last week was Christian's birthday. He turned 30.

Chris is the first of my friends from my pre-teens to turn 30, and this weekend will be Darryl's 30th. So the 30's are coming thick and fast. It's strange, at the moment this doesn't feel like a big deal. But I also feel very aware that my birthday is about nine months after everyone else's. Maybe I'll feel different when it's my turn, but right now I'm fairly happy with where I am and who I am. I'm looking forward to my 30's and seeing what we have install for each other.

I'd be lying if I said this is where I thought I'd be five years ago, heck, even one year ago. But while I sit here I think of all the amazing things I've done, the places I've seen, the people I've met and the experiences I've had. I'd like to think that when its my turn to turn the big 30, I'll think pretty much exactly the same as I do now. I'd like to think I'll be thinking the same thing when I turn 50, 70 and more. Just with many more experiences, journeys and friends. 

I think the fact I have friends in their 30's (and above) makes a difference to my outlook too. I have some really amazing friends, hearing their experiences, their journeys to becoming the people they are today fills me with inspiration and motivation. These are people that have overcome real challenges within their life's. People that have shown me it's possible to start again, to explore new avenues of opportunity, and to enjoy life, make the most of whatever you have. Love it and live it!

Birthday wise, this year I didn't really celebrate it for various reasons and while I don't know where I'll be in nine months time. I do know that I'd like to spend it with my friends. Those people that are there for you whatever, those people that have your back. The people that inspire and motivate you. What else could you want.... Well, I suppose I wouldn't mind a good walk and some pizza too. 

But hey, I've got nine more months to experience before then.

Job applications and interviews

I am currently in the process of looking for my next career opportunity. The process is a strange experience. I have changed jobs a few times now and have some experience of looking and applying for work opportunities.

In some ways it is great because you can get excited about the opportunities you see and the possibilities that could come with the positions. Along with reviewing your previous experience and achievements. However, this initial excitement passes fairly quickly each time you have to re-fill in your persons details, employment and education history. With each form having a very, very slightly different formate, so there's no copy and paste option here. 

If your proactive enough, you will get through a few of these forms and repeating your answers to the most basic questions can be extremely frustrating. Especially when you want to focus on the job specific questions and information.

Truthfully I am disappointed when you do not get confirmation emails, or messages to inform you that you have not been selected. These are template emails and could be sent with relative ease by the organisation. This interaction would cost very little time and does influence my view of organisations. On one occasion, even after an interview, I had to contact the organisation to find out if I had been successful (I assumed I had not been, but thought I deserved an email or phone call to inform me of this). 

Interviews are definitely interesting. This is your opportunity to see if the job, and the organisation, is right for you. As well as the employer judging if you are the right person for them. Often this can be forgotten on the day as interview nerves kick in, particularly if you have a presentation or tasks to complete on the day. 

Remember to look around, what are the facilities like, is it clean, would you be happy working in this environment? Talk to other employees, are they happy, friendly, positive? You may even have your own list of workplace / environment expectations. Of course still remember you have to impress to be offered the job!

Asking questions and showing a genuine interest is viewed favourably by interviewers. They may even ask the view of any other staff that have interacted with you throughout your visit, so always be pleasant and professional. 

The journey to an interview can also have a huge impact on your experience and affect how you come across on the day. I like to review the route online a few days before, make sure I can locate a few parking options and allow plenty of time for traffic. Personally I would rather arrive an hour early than five minutes before. So I have plenty of time to relax and walk around. I have spoken to people previously who would travel to the interview venue prior to the day. For me, this a un-required expense and on occasion impractical given the distance involved. However if you require this or any other pre interview preparation you should do it.

I'm interested to hear what your pre interview prep includes, and what do you opinion of job applications is. Let me know by comment or tweet me @Mike_Douglas_

Talking Heads Southampton - Rocking Evening

I had a very enjoyable evening last night at the Talking Heads pub in Southampton (http://talkingheads.vticket.co.uk). Both Helen and Rachel had mentioned the gig the week before, as they are friends with a couple of the acts performing, and it sounded interesting. 

We met at Rach's before the gig to chat, have a few drinks and some chips. When we made our way to the venue, where I enjoyed my regular conversation with our taxi driver. On this occasion I found out that our taxi had two cameras in it and a panic button! This driver must have had some bad fares. Unfortunately there was no sing-a-long opportunity, but that does mean I feel fairly confident in saying that our journey will not end up on YouTube.

When we arrived we met up with the girls friends; Lee, Stuart and James (I think). It was quite interesting finding out about the work that these guys do and their use of drones. I may have asked quite a lot of questions about some of the legal / practical uses of the drones, possibly more than someone is meant to ask on a first meeting.

I also met two people, Charlotte and Tony, at the bar and chatted with them for a while before we made our way around to the event / stage.

The bands performing where Kings o Leon, Nearvana, Paramore (or less) and Foo Forgers. I enjoyed all of the sets, but has too be said, Foo Forgers where the ones that had me up at the front rocking out. I definitely had a very enjoyable evening, with good company and good music. 

This was the first time I'd visited the Talking Heads pub and as a venue it was pretty good. It was a nice size with more than adequate facilities and a good vibe.

The evening / night was rounded off with some much needed (if cooked a little too quickly) chips at Rach's with those awesome sisters and a couple more conversations before calling it a night. 

I look forward to the next opportunity to hear these bands and / or visit the pub for another gig. 

Foo Fighters - Broken Leg Tour

Around the start of the summer Helen had mentioned she was going to see the Foo Fighters, did anyone want to go with?

I like the Foo Fighters, but I think it's fair to say I'm not a massive fan. For me this was just as much about doing something different with a new friend and enjoying some live music at a venue I had not been to before. Helen was a great organiser, she booked our tickets and after discussion arranged our coach transport, what more could a guy ask for? 

The day came around really quickly, our plan was to meet at Helen's, then get a taxi or lift into town to jump on the coach. I arrived at 9.30am and we discussed the day, working out we would arrive in Milton Keynes four hours before the first act. At this stage we were thinking we could have driven and left later, however it was also in our minds that hopefully being able to sleep on the way back would be the benefit as we would not be returning to Southampton until 2.30am (we actually got back to Helen's for 3.40am!).

The adventure started with a coach driver who admitted openly he didn't know where he was going, he'd never been to the venue before and didn't know if we were being picked up by him or even if the pick up point was the same as the drop off. Then, despite telling us he didn't know where he was going, he informed us that he was ignoring the suggested route he had been provided with. This, was an interesting character! 

On the journey we had a good chat and a few discussions about different topics. We entered into friendships and relationships conversation territory, and all I can say is talking about your new bessie mate to her sister is an interesting experience. I enjoyed spending the time together and definitely feel that Helen is a friend, rather than just a friend's sister.

On the coach we had chosen in sit behind the toilet, this meant we had a little bit more space and didnt have some sat directly in front of us. However, it did mean that you had to try and avoid awkward eye contact with the person that was about to sit on the toilet as they went in. Actually it was more funny than awkward. 

On arrival at Milton Keynes Bowl we walked around looking at the merch stand, sat and had our lunch before walking around the area and finding a nearby Tesco. We decided to grab a couple of drinks before we went into the Bowl. That four hours seemed non existent, walked back from Tesco and had our drinks by the lake before joining the queue to enter the bowl. Didn't really fell like we did much waiting.  

The Bowl is a great venue, but it's just so difficult to move around the food stalls and toilet area, this could really do with being extended or widened.

The first support act was Royal Blood, I recognised a lot of the music but didn't know many lyrics. It was a good start, apart from the blinding sun being right in my eye line, fancy not bringing sunglasses. After the the first act we walked around to the toilet area, where I engaged in a rather humorous conversation about toilet times with a few other visitors in the queue.
We then made our way around to the food stalls and settled on the noodle bar (I'd learnt from Mike at the crew at victorious. Though I am disappointed I didn't take a photo), once we had our food we made our way back in and eventually found a spot to sit and eat. The chicken chow mein was amazing! The second support act was Iggy Pop, who was great. I recognised way more songs than I thought I would, I was even able to sing along to a couple. 

Then the main act, Foo Fighters. Loved listing to the older songs as that's a majority of what I know. Dave Grohl is a grand lead man, even if it is from a throne! We sung along and danced on the hill as the tunes ran though. The Under Pressure performance with John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin) and Roger Taylor (Queen) was a pretty cool surprise too! The best part of the day...The Best Of You performance, some great crowd involvement. There's a pretty decent video on YouTube from a crowd member slightly closer than us (YouTube Link). I can't really say much more about the evening other than it was great.

Once the gig was finished we made our way back to the coach. Finding our driver asleep was quite funny and probably the best part of the return journey. Once the coach was full we were informed no vehicles were going to be allowed to leave the site until all pedestrians had cleared the area. This meant waiting over an hour before even moving. We got back to Helens for 3.40am to round off a pretty cool day trip. It's fair to say we were both quite tired the next day.